K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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