Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
