I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
