What tipped you off? The sombrero?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
