Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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