Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm bleeding and have questions
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
