OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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