I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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