if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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