ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
