Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize