I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
