dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
