Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
