So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
