I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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