should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
