Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
