maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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