Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
