some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
