the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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