Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
