You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize