he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
