he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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