I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
