just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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