i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
