you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize