Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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