K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
