I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
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