Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i now understand why vodka
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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