I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
