shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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