i don't plan on having that self control this summer
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
