I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
a search helicopter?!
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize