your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
