We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
