it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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