Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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