Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
