im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
