You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
