Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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