i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
