Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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