having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
