my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
