I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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