Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
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