Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
