Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
