just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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