Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
