I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
