Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
