I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
