My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
