so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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