i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
