Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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