The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
