Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
